Born 29 January 2012
I have known Cherie for many years, but first approached her in her role as Doula in 2009 during the months follow the birth of our first daughter Addison. Addison’s birth was far from what we had hoped for and I really struggled in processing what had happened.
I had read a novel in the weeks before Addison’s birth that mentioned a Doula, but until then I had not known what one was. After talking more to Cherie about what a Doula does I knew that if we ever had more children we would be having a Doula! Addison’s birth had also been very difficult for my husband Adam and he was nervous about another labour. I wanted him to not have to feel like he needed to be my full support during another labour.
So in July 2011 we asked Cherie to join us in bringing the child we were expecting into the world. Both my Adam and I felt really comfortable with Cherie and she also got along well with our daughter Addison, who we were planning to also have at the birth. I know it is not everyone’s desire to have other children witness a birth, however for us it was only natural to have her there, Addison would be 3yrs & 2months at the birth. Cherie was respectful of this wish and also was understanding that during the labour we would just have to “play it by ear”as such if Addison needed to be taken out or entertained that Cherie and Adam would share the role depending on how everything was going. We meet a few times during the pregnancy and Cherie lent me some great books from her library. She also had a lovely children’s book about Doulas for us to read with Addison. Through the whole pregnancy I always felt Cherie was there for us and was only a phone call or email away if we needed her. We talked about our hopes for this birth and what tools we would use to gain this. We had chosen to have a home water birth assisted by midwives Anna and Becky from the Launceston Birthing Centre.
Sadly we had lost a baby at the end of 2010 and it took me some time to feel ready to try for another baby. We were excited when we fell pregnant this time; however it was not until after I felt regular movements I began to feel happy myself and believe that it was real. Having lost that baby I was even more determined to keep myself healthy and in a good place mentally during this pregnancy and for the birth. I surrounded myself with positivity; read birthing books that supported natural birth and talked to friends who had had great experiences and listened to their stories. I also had regular chiropractic care to make sure my pelvis was correctly aligned to assist with (I hoped) an easier delivery – it actually was a tremendous relief with the pregnancy sickness I experienced too! I started learning about and using essential oils which I found to be a tremendous help with general pregnancy symptoms but also for my mental health. We also prepared our daughter Addison by reading stories books about homebirths, babies, showing her photos of her as a baby, talking about what she could do to help at the time (she thought it only fair that she have set jobs, as everyone else had jobs they would be doing) and we watched YouTube videos of births together.
As the due date approached I had no real signs of impending labour, with Addison I had Braxton Hicks regularly for a good month before her birth. But then two days before our due date I had a show. This was very exciting! Our first labour had started within 6hrs of starting my first show, so I let our birth attendants know and expected to be meeting this child in the next 24hrs. I had a chiropractor appointment that day which I went to and left that all lined up and ready to go. However that was not to be, I kept losing the mucous plug with only slight tightenings on a couple of occasions. I began to get a bit restless of this after day 3, but after a bath and good sleep that night, I awoke feeling good about what was happening as my body was definitely preparing for the birth and it would be happening any day. I reminded myself that I wouldn’t get these days back and to treasure them. The two weeks leading up to the birth I savoured with Addison, we swam and walked nearly every day as the weather was so warm, we talked about baby and she had a long list of all the things she was going to do with the baby and also teach the baby as he/she got old, we went out for morning teas, played in the garden, nested together, she even would make me rest on the couch whilst she got me drinks and food. If she was 2 foot taller I doubt I would have had to lift a finger around the home! It was certainly a very precious time and I really felt that she also intuitively knew that our baby would be arriving soon.
During that week I had said to my Adam that I didn’t think this baby could possibly get any lower and I was sure that I was quite dilated already. I was feeling relaxed and confident in the support and skill of the women attending the birth. I reread a few stories out of Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth and meditated on the positivity and how natural the births were. I felt in my heart that I needed to focus on the fact that this was my body and my body could not do more to me physically than I could handle both physically and mentally. I had been texting a friend a couple of days prior to labour and she had felt to share the same with me. This was something I continued to dwell on and draw on for the upcoming birth.
Anna rang me on the Friday to schedule a check-up as still nothing more was really happening. So on Saturday 28th January I had a check-up with Anna who confirmed my belief that the baby would be born very soon. The baby’s head was fully engaged and very low. Anna was meant to be going to the beach on the Sunday and she said to let her know as soon as possible when I started going into labour as she was sure that this was going to be quick! After 32 hours first time I was somewhat dubious but nodded and hoped she was right. I remember that Saturday as a lovely day as a family. We did grocery shopping; getting supplies for labour and the days following and then we spent the afternoon in the garden. I had a bath that evening and went to bed at about 8.00pm. Adam and Addison were up watching a movie and after Addison went to bed I got up and felt the urge to tidy the house and be definitely ready! Adam and I then sat on the couch and listened to music and finalised the labour playlist. We went to bed about midnight and I slept soundly. I awoke at 5.30am with very light period type cramp and decided to get up. I had something to eat, put on the oil diffuser with Frankincense and a blend called Believe. During the next half hour I had to go to the toilet several times and started getting regular tightenings at 5mins apart, and losing lots of blood stained mucous, but totally pain free, just period type feeling. I watched the sunrise and kept my mind focussed on the beauty of the sunrise and of the experience of bringing a person into the world. I remember it feeling a bit surreal and having a couple of butterflies about ‘were we really going to be doing this?’! At 6.00am I decided to go and let Adam know what was happening. As Addison had a late night I expected her to still sleep for at least another hour, however when I went into the bedroom she was awake. I told Adam that things had started and then took Addison to have a shower. We talked about that we would soon be meeting our baby, I was having a few tightenings whilst in the shower but still what I thought was quite light. I let Addison have a longer shower, however after 5 minutes and tightenings now happening at 4 minutes apart and getting stronger I decided she needed to get out otherwise I would have no hot water for the birthing pool!
She then got out and with Adam they rang Cherie to tell her that our baby was starting to come out, (Addison had decided previously that this would be one of her jobs to help.) We decided to keep her posted and ring again at 7.00am. Addison then helped Adam fill the birthing pool while I walked around the house having regular tightenings. I was excited, but also as Addison’s birth had started similar to this I still thought we had some time to go. However by 6.45am the tightenings were at 2 minutes apart and getting stronger each time, I quickly decided we had better ring Cherie back and that I needed to let the midwives know. I was finding the contractions very manageable at this stage and I found leaning on a dining room chair and rocking during each one to feel really comfortable.
In my head during each one I kept repeating “down baby, down you come” and I was visualising the baby working his/her way down the birth canal. I was feeling really excited, here we were standing in our living room, with a birth pool set up about to have our next child!
Adam and Addison rang Cherie and told her to come now and I rang Anna in between a contraction and told her she wouldn’t be going to the beach today, that our baby was coming, we had organised previously that Anna would let Becky know. Cherie arrived just before 7.00am and I was having a contraction in the bathroom. When it finished I remember thinking “here we go”, as in this is the time for me to give birth how I want and do what I want, to not be afraid to do what is instinctive and be worried about what others are thinking of me. So I walked out to the living room and Cherie was talking with Addison who was explaining what had been going on and how Mummy had been doing the exercises we had previously talked about. I had another contraction very soon after walking out and found that I really needed to focus on it, and not let my brain go to Addison’s birth which made me anxious and feel pain, I continued repeating “down baby” in my head and let myself feel the excitement of meeting this precious person for the first time. I could feel myself going “into” myself, we had music on which now felt too loud for me and one of the blinds was open, but now that was too bright. I asked for these to be fixed and Cherie asked if I wanted just instrumental music which she had with her, to which I said yes. She then went about fixing that as I laboured in the pool. At some point she also asked if we wanted more photos or videos of the birth, I muttered something and remember Adam saying photos. I started vocalising through the contractions and found it hard to get comfortable in the pool; however I did not want to get out either. Cherie put a cold water washer soaked in lavender oil on my forehead in between each contraction – which felt wonderful!
Becky and Anna arrived just after 7 and quickly went about setting their things up. I remember Addison being involved with this and then they wanted to check baby’s heart rate, which they quickly did. I found this very uncomfortable and did not want to be touched. Not long after this Addison was asking what she could do and Adam tried to hush her. I managed to get out that she needed something to do, so someone asked if she wanted to do a picture for baby, which she thought was a great idea. She sat at her little table only a metre away from me and drew a picture for her new sibling. I had a few more contractions with Becky and Anna present and then started to feel myself come out of myself and be able to talk, but also with a desire to push (approx 7.15am). I told them I felt like pushing and they confirmed that I was making the right sounds and they believed I was ready to start pushing as well. Anna checked me and explained that she would talk me through the rest. I then instinctively reached down and I could feel a head already starting to come out! I couldn’t believe it, this was way too easy to be true – I felt ecstatic! Anna and Becky then guided me through the pushing stage, I kept my hand on the head to feel the progress each push. It was amazing to feel my body working to bring the baby out and in between each push I kept saying how amazing this was., it certainly was a long way from what so often gets said about labours that was for sure!
Our baby’s head was delivered still in the bag (approx. 7.25am), something very rare and without a tear for me. Anna called Addison over to see and then she watched the rest of the delivery. I then delivered the rest of her body with 2 more pushes and the next thing I remember is holding her in my arms (7.30am). It was truly amazing! Addison rushed around to my other side to see this baby she had been talking about for months, as I leant back against the pool feeling ecstatic! Addison reached down to touch the baby’s arm and said “Hello baby I am your big sister”. I held the baby against my chest for 5-10minutes before even checking if we had a girl or a boy. I did not want to move, this just all felt too good. Adam and I had firmly decided on names a few weeks prior, Mattea for a girl’s first name, but we only had one middle name for a girl – Estelle, which means Star. We had decided to not discuss names until after Christmas, but both had read the baby name book several times trying to decide. Name meanings are important to us and throughout this pregnancy, more than ever, we realised just how precious life is. All children are a gift and we have always viewed them as such, life events of this pregnancy really made us realise that even more. Mattea was both of our first choices for a girl and it means Gift of God. When I checked that we had a girl I confirmed with Adam that her name would be Mattea and then introduced her as Mattea to Addison. This did not go as we had planned. Adam and I had talked previously whether or not we should talk names with Addison, but had decided not to. Now she was saying she did not like Mattea….. So I asked her what name she did like, hoping it would not be one of her made up names she had talked about during the pregnancy, ‘Tribbia’ coming straight to mind. She said she would have a think and went off to the bedroom for several minutes to decide. She came back and said “Jessie”. Jessie is one of our close friends and like a sister to me and we had spent a lot of time with Jessie over the past week. Adam gave me a nod and so we all agreed on ‘Mattea Jessie Estelle’. It took another half an hour for the placenta to deliver, during which time I had beautiful skin to skin in the tub with Mattea. She even started to feed. Adam got to cut the cord after it stopped pulsing; it was quite short and was making it difficult to keep Mattea out of the water. The placenta came out with one push and was beautiful and healthy (8.00am). I did have a small tear from delivering the body, but not big enough to stich. It healed within a couple of days with me applying myrrh to it. But I felt amazing, no sore muschles. I could move about easily and hardly tired! I was already saying I could do this again, today! A far cry from our first birth that is for sure! Addison was thrilled and inviting all the ladies back for our next baby. She has not stopped planning growing our family since Mattea arrived! Adam was somewhat in shock at how different and quick this birth was! The ladies all stayed for a couple of hours and made sure we were all going well before leaving us to bond together as a family. It was so beautiful to be tucked up all together in our own bed by lunch time. This birth has been truly precious! I have often been asked if Addison’s birth was natural, to me her birth was not natural, yes it was vaginal; but medical interventions, two episiotomies and a forceps delivery is not natural to me! We are truly grateful to have such a precious first born child who we have a wonderful relationship with, but those early days with her were very difficult. During Mattea’s pregnancy and birth I worked through many of the unresolved emotions I still held from Addison’s birth. I realised that I needed to forgive myself for the resentment I held at myself for not being more prepared for her birth and let go of the emotions and pain I still remembered so easily. I now feel that I have been able to do this but Addison’s birth is still not one that I would ever want to experience again. This birth however was natural! I had the support around me to trust my body, yes I took the care to make sure my body was healthy and in a good condition to birth, but I also was mentally prepared. Cherie, Becky and Anna with their experience, knowledge and love assisted us in making this beautiful event possible and giving us the best possible start as a family of four.
Kate.